I miss this. Just being able to write/type and express myself. To uncover, freely, what is going on in this pretty little head of mine. I’ve come to realize I’ve made the mistake of stuffing it all down. The worries, doubts, insecurities, and the fears just growing inside, festering like an uncontrolled vine, wrapping itself around me and squeezing tightly.
You see, I’m one of those crazy conspiracy theorist people that wears the tin foil hats. Joking…but not! One that believes this world needs a radical change. The silly dreamer that believes there is more to life than this- being a machine to the system… day in and out. The wash, rinse, repeat way of life left me around 6 years ago. It’s when I began to say, “There’s got to be something more to life than this”.
I Truly Began to Live
It was around the same time I was ushered to a pediatric cardiology specialist for my 1-month-old daughter. Finding out she 2 ASD’s (holes in her heart) was the scariest experience I’ve ever had to hear. I sat in the chair, holding my daughter, looking at the doctor and trying my best to understand what he was saying as my mind scrambled into a panic.
I held my hand upon her chest many nights as I whispered promises to her that I would make every single day count. I would make damn sure every day we had something to laugh and smile about. We would make the most of every moment. It was the first time in my life I began to live “in the moment”. You see, along the way, I made my mind up that I would show her all that life has to offer, just in case anything was to happen. The reality I faced was just that… that something could happen. So, I began to live, truly.
A Fire was Sparked Inside of Me
I woke up each day with a sparkle in my eye, ready to seize the day, to ensure that when we went to bed at night both of our hearts were warm. I let go of fear and embraced every moment with my family. I got to know myself in all the ways I had ignored. I faced my fears and strengthened my weaknesses. My perspective of this existence changed in such a profound way. My daughter, with her rainbow heart, lit my world up and sparked a fire inside of me like I had never known.
Taken for Granted
I sat at the kitchen table with my sister earlier, sharing these same words with her and I said, “The years after finding out about my daughter’s condition has been the best years of my life,” as I burst into tears. Realizing, the last couple of months I’ve began to lose sight or the feeling of that. I shouted,” I miss the days when there was nothing being taken for granted!” I miss… living without the fear of what could be.
The world affairs had suckered me in. Lashing at me night after night, draining me of all hope and that spark of light. My eyes have not sparkled in quite some time. My quirky laugh has not echoed off these walls. My voice has not belted out the lyrics to my favorite songs and my feet has not moved in synch with my children around the room at 5am in the morning, just for the hell of it, in so long.
Fears of the Unknown
Here, we are, February the 16th of 2023… in the midst of WW3 (some say, and I believe… or fear). Train derailments, especially the one in Palestine, Ohio, and burning buildings throughout the country. Some with poisonous chemicals being released into our waters and environment. You can get more information from a China or Australian News station over getting the information directly from our own MSM. Silence! News Flash: Reporters are being arrested too and well… if that doesn’t scream “cover this up!”
Let’s not forget the 5 or 6 “high altitude objects” being shot down, while NO information at all being released with the excuse that they could not find anything. For all we know, its direct attacks and they are actually shooting missiles down while pushing the ufo agenda. The new Uncle Sam ads are fishy too… “did you know you can join the military at any age…even a senior.” Really… since when?
United We Stand
The worst is talking to someone about it and it’s as if the mentality is, “well, it doesn’t affect me so why care”. When did we become such a selfish people. What happened to comradery? United we stand? Are we so busy stuck in our own head and the rat race to the top of the ladder that we have forgotten to give a shit. Maybe it is just the feeling of “What could little Ol’ me do anyways”. I get it… the feeling of being but one fish in a massive ocean of big bad sharks.
Poisoned by a system that is set up in such a manner that we don’t have time to stop and think about anything other than ourselves.
It is quite possible that to do anything at all would be a massive inconvenience and you know, we have to get a bit uncomfortable. Maybe we are just too comfortable. Too comfortable with putting our heads down, doing what we are told. Too comfortable sitting in front of the television and waiting for our next dopamine hit. Too comfortable with not being told the truth because we all know by this point every single person should have at least asked themselves at least once… at least… “Are they telling us everything”. There had to of been some inkling within that something isn’t right.
Something Isn’t Right
Maybe, for many, they feel like they have too much to lose to care. Maybe you have worked your ass off for the little bit you have and there is a fear of losing it all. I feel that if you truly were to ask what you have and evaluate whether you are truly happy… your answer would be,” I am struggling with my needs, wants, and desires. I am not happy.” At this point, I would ask you to ponder over the question I had swirling through my mind 6 years ago- There has to be more to life than this… is there, more to life, than this?
I’m not convinced that this is what the “founding fathers” had in mind for the Americas. They wanted a life of liberty, free from tyranny, and outrageous taxes. Yet here we are, 247 years later, and under the same thumb. We can’t even breath, to croak out the longing in our hearts, with a song of freedom.
America is but a toddler of a nation, if you really think about it, and just like a child sometimes you have to correct it. Show it what is right, and what is wrong. Teach the child what boundaries are, privacy, respect, honor, integrity, honesty, and most of all love. As the saying goes it takes a village to raise a child… it’s going to take “a people” to raise this child. This child has overstepped boundaries time after time, weaved a web of lies through the fabric of its being, and manipulated many to get what it wants.
Bird’s Eye View
Just maybe you have thought the same… just maybe you have lost hope, been drained of your optimism and light. Just maybe you too would like to see a better future for you children… and your children’s children. I don’t have the answers, but I think it is time we start seeing it for what it is. Soar above the manipulation, through the weight of inflation, out above the clouds of toxicity… and with a bird’s eye view- LOOK CLOSER
Is this way of living going to spark a fire inside of your heart? Are you going to raise your voice to sing the tune of freedom? Will your feet move in sync with your neighbors… your community… this nation. Will our hearts reach for more than what we have been given, a chance, an opportunity, to truly live.