I’ve been in a great deal of pain lately. In and out of the doctor’s office… even a trip to the emergency room. I’m having a lot of problems with my lower back that is well, honestly…scary! Painful, just doesn’t do what I am feeling justice.
This is certainly not what I am intentionally trying to create in my life!
I am a firm believer in our ability to heal ourselves, emotionally and physically. The doctors have left me with more questions than answers, this will be my attempt to gain answers and to see if there is something I am missing with what I am experiencing.
Stored Emotions Create Physical Symptoms
We store all kinds of emotions in the body and those can certainly create physical problems such as pain and even diseases (dis- Ease!)
So, the first thing I would like to do is bring forth how I have been feeling since this began. In the moments when the pain becomes overwhelming, I have found myself screaming, crying, and hollering… begging for it to stop. Matter of fact, one of things I have said is, “Please, let go!” Now that I’m “seeing” that, that can be a big clue here.
Lower back pain relates to how we feel supported
I know that the lower back is an area that likes to “act up” when we aren’t feeling supported! Yesterday when I was describing it to a family member, I said it feels as though I have no spine at the bottom when I start to stand from a seated position… it literally feels like I have no support.
One thing I’ve learned through my own healing journey, is that we have to pay attention to what we are saying. Sometimes, we are answering our own questions without even realizing it.
At this moment, I’m going to move into the pain and just start to question whether I am holding anything in this area.
Open dialogue with my pain for shadow work
- Is there anything that I am holding in my lower back? Resistance (I just allow whatever comes up, without judgement or overthinking it… just allowing the answers to come)
- Why am I holding resistance here? I am having a hard time letting it go (ah… I had screamed… please let go)
- What is this resistance pertaining to? What does it have to do with? trusting, trusting in your path, trusting that you are supported, trusting in your abilities, trusting the redirection, trusting to move outside your comfort zone.
- Why am I being resistant to those things? You have become confused in trusting in things which is also creating an unsupported frequency in your field
- How have I become confused in trusting? worrying about Processes, outcomes, people, which has ultimately led to mistrust in yourself.
- At what point did my issues with trust begin? or when was the first time I experienced not trusting in something? At this point I am having a flashback/memory come to mind. I was around 6, and it was wintertime. My grandmother and I was getting in the car, and she couldn’t the heat to turn on. She was pressing and flipping buttons in her old car, mumbling in aggravation as we were shivering. I reached up and pressed something and the air began to blow out. My grandmother said, ” You’ve got magic in those hands!” (I’m trying to move into how I felt about that, as I want to see what or how there was mistrust here) I smiled, which felt like a genuine smile and felt this sensation of being proud of what I had just done… a sense of accomplishment, I suppose. (I want to add to, at this moment, as I’m moving more into the experience to find the mistrust, I want to get up and go do something else… a surefire sign I’m on the brink of discovering something)
- As I’m moving back into that scene, I automatically am fast forwarded to when we get back to my grandmother’s house. I can see my papa trying to get the kerosene heater lite. Yes, this was back in the 80’s! He was having a time with it, and I wanted to help so bad. I guess in my mind, if my magical hands could make the heater in the car work, maybe it could get this heater to work. I watch the little me, inch closer to my papa and the heater as he tells me to, “Stay back!” and I do, and I didn’t speak up about wanting to help or anything. I shrunk in a sense. This bothered me… that I wasn’t able to help.
- What about this experience created a trust issue? As I sat there and watched my papa struggle, I held a hope that he would then ask me to come help instead of speaking up and saying I’d like to help. It created a distrust within me for the process of things, the outcome, in people, and in myself.
- In what ways does this trust issue still happen in my life now? It happens in my day-to-day life. I see someone that I know needs help, and in so many ways, I wait for them to ask for my help before I speak up.
- What other ways? (This was answered very quickly) I am scared to put myself out there, because I don’t trust the outcome.
- Why do I not trust the outcome? because I am forgetting to envision the outcome that I actually want. I am staying stuck in the details of how to get there, but not what I want to happen. (Hence, the memory of the “magic hands”. I knew what I wanted the outcome to be, I wanted the heat on… and I felt that before even acting.)
- At this point, I can fully see why I am holding onto resistance with trust in my lower back.
- BIG QUESTION- How do I let go of this resistance? (As I ask this question, I get a pinch on a nerve running down my left side, as if to show a cue for leaning into my intuition, the feminine, the trust) I hear, “You need to start seeing the outcome/the bigger picture, speaking it into existence, and that applies to what you can do for others as well, not just yourself. In what ways are you supporting yourself, making the impossible-possible? In what ways CAN you support others? Speak up! See it! Know it! Trust it! Everything else, falls into place...
- In this moment, how can release this in my lower back? Trust in yourself, trust in your body, trust in your ability, feel it, see it, know it, trust it! (I am seeing myself stand up, tall, bending over with ease too. Now I am dancing and twirling around. I begin to smile and feel the grace of my body moving with such ease!
- Is there anything else I need to see or understand about this pain? Apply this in all facets of your life. If you think of something you would like to do to support yourself or others, envision it first. Just the way you did when you were younger (magic hands) then act. Stop worrying about the details and confusing yourself in the trust of the process, you are doing nothing but creating an unsupported frequency with a dash of mistrust in YOU! Also… Please, stop waiting for others to ask for your help- if you know in your heart that you can help, speak up! Just make sure you see the outcome!
Allowing the body to speak
In doing this, I allowed my body to speak. This pain had a message for me… certainly a message I could not ignore!
This is shadow work, guys! I had to bring this forth into my conscious mind to truly see it. I didn’t understand that I had forgotten a very basic tool for creating our reality. So, not only is this a personal shadow work session, but it is also a great reminder of a basic tool when working with the law of attraction! Think it, SEE IT, feel it, action, LET IT GO!
How many times have you, yourself gotten caught up in details and began to worry… about the outcome… that you may had forgotten to create in the first place! This is a perfect example of how shadow work can help with manifesting what it is that we desire. In order to manifest or work with the law of attraction, we have to TRUST, but first CREATE! The universe will match your frequency and send you just that!
In all of my worrying I had been doing recently, I had created a feeling of being unsupported… an unsupported frequency. I had stopped trusting the process in the mix of everything recently and had totally confused myself because I had not even seen what I wanted the outcome to be.
How can the universe align to that if I had not even aligned to that!
Before I publish this (ACT) I will envision (OUTCOME) that this post will help others in their personal journey of healing. That you too will be reminded to give your body a voice, allow your pain to speak, bring its messages into the conscious, so that you too can begin to heal! I’ll also envision that this will serve as a reminder in all that you do, to create it with purpose, to see your outcome and trust in it ALL!